Dylan Dog Blog – Dylan offers advice on visits to the vet

Dear Bestest Aunty Sue,

Bestest Aunty Julie did tells Forever HuMum that you dun yorself a poorly an be goin to the vets termorrow. I be riting wiv me Bestest advices for yoo….

Advices numbuh wun: Mayk shor you lean on ebberywun at the HuVets. If yoos need to, juss say hab bad foot or summat. Leaning gets the best fussingsess. Twust me.

Advices numbuh too: Get on der HuVets “scales” at evry hopprtyoonity. Dat way yoo will get many many sooper yummy yummies. Mayk shor you do not moov eeben if sumwun else wont to try same trick.

Advices numbuh free: Deffnittly do not do yorself a big stress. As a hound of grate nollidge (espeshully where concernin vets an stuff) I do nows dat you be in vevvy good handies.

Advices numbuh forr: MOST Importantly. Take yor own eggs.

Do be hopins you not feelin too hankshuss. Hinsidentally, I can wecommend der Thundershirt if yous are. Yous will feel lyk rite wally in it but is akshully sooper nys. I be wearin mine for der whizzbangers.

I be a bit sad I can’t come and vizit you at der vets….. I bin tellin HuMum dat I be needin me PAT “dog” trainin so hopefully she start sortin dat for spwing. Reckon I be sooper at der visitin an ebberyfin. Wood clearly hab to be rename PAT Hound trainin as I cannot be doin me any sort of assosheeayshun wib der werd “dog”. How rood! We be noble hounds.

I bin havin a luffly weekend heer…  HuGrandma and HuGramdad be stayin an dey let me do der morning snoozles in dere bed! Grandad did say he be drawin der line at me lickin of his nightytrousers tho. Most unweesonable weally.

Diss mornin we went in our fluffywrappers to wotch the smol 2-legses doin der sooper slow runnin agin in der park for der Junior Parkrun. Dis tyme wun of dem woz dressed as an astwownort an der uvver wun as sum kind ov midgit driver of der noisylongcar lyk I did snoozle on wen I went to Weston Sooper-Mare. Dey are such strange puppers but dey arr sooper kind to me. Me an Milly-Moo dids see a skwizzle an I die me a “full wabbit” wiv me earsies. Milly-Moo dun bark an bark at it to worn it of bein about nearly devowwered witch sumwot hinderrrd my assassinayshun plot. She sutch an iddyutt sumtyms. Neber mind.

Dis aftynoon I has bin eatin boiled pumpkiness cookee out of der middel of der pumpkins wot smol peeples bin stabbing.  Most delishush! Went owt for a walkies an did take HuMum to anuvver pub wot I found…. She luv it wen I juss stroll in on der end of lead on a random. BOL BOL BOL In fact, HuMum say I do try go in pubs so muchness dat she suspekt Bestest Aunty Julie mite hab juss taken me to pub twys a day for “walkies” BOL BOL BOL. Woz unseremoneeeus hoiked owt today witch woz shaym. I did hakksidental go in der gayte of nummer 3 again dis evenin. Most wegwettful. Let’s juss say woz a tite skweez per last tyme an I be gettin good at der 27-point turns.

Rite. Goin to do meself a sooper snoozle now.

I will do yoos anuvver riting layter in der week.

Much gentel wags and snuffuluffagusses and snootbomps, Dylan xxx